Coke Found on 90% of US Dollars

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November 13th, 2009 |

Author: SoCal Glamour Girl

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Better to Spend Your Money on Hot Chicks!

Naughty News Girls Report: Coke Found on 90% of U.S. Dollars—Is Chewing Money Wrong?

The UPI reported last week that 90% of paper money in the United States tested positive for traces of coke. A study from the University of Massachusetts at Dartmouth, tested bills from 30 cites. The U.S tested highest with 90% while China and Japan tested lowest at between 12 and 20 percent.

Michelle is Mad at Bankers and Hookers

A similar study two years ago found “only” 67 percent of U.S. bills contained coke.
Why the increase?

The UMass researchers believe the increase may be related to the economic downturn, where stressed people turn to coke.

However, our Harvard research team at SoCalGlamourGirls came to a different conclusion. “We know all the dues on Wall Street,” they said “and bankers always spend at least half their bonuses on two essential items. Hookers and Blow.”

“The fact is that 90% of the cash in America flows down this path: Taxpayers -> Bankers -> Hookers -> Coke Dealers. Although some junior bankers do get their coke directly from the dealers.”

“Thank God we bailed out the bankers,” adds our research team. “Have you ever seen a hooker NOT on coke? Well, you don’t want to….”

Watch our naughty news girl Daisy give you her sexy satirical spin on this bit of political news. Subscribe to their outrageous online magazine and video date the naughty bikini news girls today.